Tuesday, November 15, 2005

one of those days...

You'd think it was a Monday because of how things went this morning...One of those days where I said "I should have stayed in bed." You know those days, where nothing seems to be going right. Some issues with our bank this morning threw me in a funk. I'm really trying to adjust my attitude about money lately. Be a good steward...etc. and then there are these little waves that come along. I know they are tests, to see how I will react. I have to admit that I didn't respond really well to today's test.

My Girl had gymnastics today so we left a little early to go and get a movie at Hollywood with one of our .99 cent coupon. We got Madagascar. I love .99 cent coupons! It just stinks that you can't use more than one at a time. Really dumb if I do say so. I can go in there tomorrow and use the other one, but couldn't use them both today...

We end up being really early for gym... I didn't want to just sit there and try and entertain 
My Girl  so I search for something to do.
She goes to gym right by the cemetery where Mom is buried. Her gravestone was just put in, so I decide it's time for a visit.
It's the first time I had been back since the day she was buried. It might not have been the best day for a visit as I was already emotional. It was flower pick-up day so there were a lot of workers out. I have never driven myself to her site, so I had a little trouble finding her. As we were driving, I asked 
My Girl if she knew what all the white stones are. She says "No." I told her I would explain when we got to where we are going. She said she had seen them on Scooby Doo before. (She's paying attention.) We get to Mom's plot get out. I read the inscription on the headstone to My Girl. The very last engraving on there is "Gramcracker." I saw a flicker of realization in My Girl's eyes when I read that. I explained to her that when people die their body stays here. It's usually put in a pretty box and buried under the ground. People put markers over the box with their name, birthday, and the day they died on it, so they will always be able to remember. I told her that even though her body is still here, Gramcracker's spirit, the loving person she was, her laugh and her smile and hugs are all in heaven, waiting for us! I had to hold back tears explaining all this to her. I think I was partly reassuring myself. I miss her so much and could have used one of her great big hugs today!My Girl was very serious and quiet as I was telling her all this. Her only responses were some barely audible "Oh"s and "Yeah"s.

As we left and went back to gym, I took that opportunity to explain a little more about heaven. I asked her if she knew how to get to heaven. She told me no. I asked her if she knew who was in heaven. She said yes, and told me that God was in heaven. I told her that God's son Jesus was there too. I also told her that Jesus came to earth and died one time just like Gramcracker. She said "Yeah, he died on a cross." (She is getting something out of Sunday School!) I told her that the only thing we have to do to get to heaven to see God and Jesus and Gramcracker again is to believe that God has a son, and he sent his son to our world, to die for us. I know it didn't make a whole lot of sense to a 4 year old...but I have planted a seed I believe...
We were still a little early to gym, so we sat in the car and My Girl asked me for a piece of paper to draw on. She doodled for a little while and handed it back to me. I looked at it real quick and say "That's cute." (You know how it is...you think all your child's art is cute, and sometimes don't study it that well before you give praise.) But...I looked at it a little more carefully after she shot me a look that said "Mommy, you didn't even see it!" Then I saw it...

She had drawn a person with a sad face and tears running down it's cheeks. She pointed to it and said "That's how I feel." I was amazed at how well she was able to express her feelings. And through art! She's such a special girl! I reassured her that I felt sad a lot that Gramcracker was not here anymore, but I mostly feel happy for her. She can walk and talk and laugh again. My Girl seemed to perk up after that, and gym helped her move past the sad feeling.
Sorry for the long drawn out post, but it is sort of therapeutic for me to write about the events of the day.
 This morning I found a card from my sweet hubby on the kitchen table. He surprises me sometimes. I have it by my kitchen window beside the "flowers" 
My Girl
 picked for me yesterday.
So today wasn't all bad...Just a rough start...After gym, My Girl's cousin called and asked if My Girl could come over. I was so thankful for that offer. My Girl was taken care of for three hours and I was able to come home and get the bank issue cleared up and the bills paid!

I am grateful for so much...I thank God even for the tests...I am a stronger person because of them...and he is so gracious in allowing it to be a short test today...


  1. I am so sorry that you had such a rough start, but I am so very happy for you that you got that time with Gwyneth to explain things that might not have been explained before. I do beleive that she witll be a great artist! I cried when I read about how you were feeling, and Gwyneth too. You have a very sweet hubby there too :-)

  2. What an awesome opportunity for you guys to talk. Isn't it cool how God provides those moments just when you need them? :) I can't wait to experience the joy in my children that you do. Love you both!


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